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First, make the bacon crumbs. Put the bacon in a dry frying pan and cook until really crisp. Transfer to a plate lined with kitchen paper, then pour all but a drizzle of oil out of the pan. Add the breadcrumbs, cook for a few mins until they turn golden and crisp, then tip these out too and leave to cool. Once the bacon is cool, put in a food processor and blitz to fine crumbs, add the breadcrumbs and give it another quick blitz to combine. Tip into a jar or tub and chill until ready to serve. Will keep for 2 days. Bring back to room temperature before eating.
Bring a large pan of water to the boil and fill a large bowl with ice-cold water. Add the quail’s eggs to the pan and cook for 2 mins, then fish out and plunge straight into the cold water. Repeat with the asparagus or broccoli, if using, cooking for just 1 min. Once cool, drain the veg and dry the eggs, put in a container or pop the eggs back in their egg box to transport.
Whizz the ingredients for the watercress mayo in a food processor, or just finely chop the watercress and mix everything together. Spoon this into a container for transporting, too. To serve, peel an egg (or take a piece of veg) and dip into the mayo, then into the bacon crumbs.