‘Heavier ever after’: why we eat more in new relationships

I’ve been guilty of it. When my now-husband and I moved in together during lockdown, we discovered a shared love of brownie sundaes from our local ice-cream shop. It became our nightly ritual: dinner, Netflix, dessert, repeat. We ordered so many through Deliveroo that, eventually, we had to delete the app.

And it turns out, that pattern isn’t unusual. Many of us find that when we fall in love, our eating habits change. Meals become more social, wine glasses stay topped up, and the desire to keep up our usual healthy routines can quietly fade into the background. The effect is so common it even has a few nicknames: ‘relationship weight gain’, ‘happy weight’ and even ‘love chub.’ But is it really just about willpower, or is there something deeper in the way we bond and behave?

The chemistry of comfort

“New relationships pull people into a softer way of living,” says registered mental health therapist and wellness specialist Shelly Dar. “You want to spend time together. You want to share meals, try new places, curl up on the sofa. Routines shift because love changes how you prioritise your day. It’s not letting yourself go, it’s the natural pull of closeness.”

That pull isn’t just emotional. Registered nutritionist Jemma Joel explains that it’s chemical, too. “The early romantic stage raises dopamine. That same pathway reacts to food, warmth, touch and pleasure. When you mix all of that with someone you are falling for, the brain pairs them together. A takeaway, a glass of wine, dessert after dinner, it all becomes part of the bonding process. You are not acting out of weakness. You are following a reward system designed to strengthen attachment.”

Georgina Sturmer, a BACP-accredited counsellor adds that the surge of hormones in the early “honeymoon” stage can override normal routines. “When we fall in love, it triggers a release of hormones that promote bonding, in the same way as when a mother has a child. These new and different feelings can mean that our usual habits go by the wayside, as we are intoxicated by the other person.”

For many couples, that looks like extra dinners out, spontaneous takeaway nights or shared desserts that mark new intimacy. Take Amira* and Luke*, who met at work last winter. “We spent the first few months trying every restaurant within walking distance,” Amira tells me. “It wasn’t about indulgence; it was about discovering things together.”

My friend Tessa* admitted she put almost two stone when she got with her now wife. “We got so into cooking together; our meals became elaborate three-courses almost every night!”

Why food equals connection

Food plays a key role in how we form relationships. Dar sees this reflected in her clients. “Love creates safety, and safety changes behaviour. When you feel accepted, your body relaxes. You stop performing and start being. That can loosen rigid rules around food or exercise. When the nervous system feels held, habits become more about enjoyment than control.”

Add the seasonal shift of “cuffing season” – darker evenings, shorter days and a natural pull towards comfort – and it’s easy to see why many of us lean into warming meals and slower routines. “The shorter days and colder weather can increase cravings for energy-dense foods,” says Joel. “It’s both a biological and behavioural thing as we seek warmth and energy, but we also spend more time indoors with less daylight and more emotional eating triggers. Lower sunlight exposure impacts our serotonin levels too which can influence our mood and appetite regulation.”

Mirroring and shared habits

Once the novelty settles, couples often start to mirror each other’s behaviours. “Eating is a social thing,” Joel explains. “We unconsciously end up mirroring our partner’s habits like portion sizes or adapting to different food preferences.”

Gender can play a subtle role too, says Dar. “Women often carry more pressure around body image and fear of judgement. Even small weight changes can trigger old messages. Men can fall into shared eating habits or match portions without thinking. Both genders share the same emotional script. Love equals belonging and belonging often happens around food.”

For Jess and Rob, both in their thirties, that mirroring went in a positive direction. “Rob was a big snacker, I was a meal-planner,” says Jess. “Now he helps cook during the week and I actually sit down for lunch. We’ve rubbed off on each other, in a good way,” she tells me.

Psychology says our individual attachment styles, how we form and maintain emotional bonds, also shape how we eat with a partner. “Attachment patterns show up in the small things,” says Dar. “Secure partners settle into a shared rhythm with little stress. Anxious partners might use shared meals as reassurance, while avoidant partners may prefer independence until they trust the closeness.” These differences aren’t problems to fix, she adds, just reflections of how each of us finds safety and comfort.

A natural softening

So, is “relationship weight gain” something to worry about? Most experts say no. “Most of the time it reflects comfort and a blending of two lives,” says Dar. “A gentle softening of habits is common when someone feels emotionally held. It only becomes a concern if someone feels disconnected from themselves or uses food to fill emotional gaps that aren’t being spoken about. In many cases it is simply the body responding to warmth and change. It’s something that the couple can then plan to manage together too.”

Sturmer agrees. “It’s natural to feel more content when we’re in a relationship, and for some people that might mean ‘letting go’ of diets or rules around food. But it’s important to make sure that we are not losing a sense of who we are, and how we look after ourselves. Sudden or dramatic changes in our lifestyle might indicate that something else is going on.”

In other words, a little softening isn’t a sign of neglect; it’s often the body’s way of signalling that it feels safe.

Finding balance together

Rather than trying to return to strict routines, Joel recommends building mindful habits into shared life. “Plan date nights, meals and takeaways intentionally rather than spontaneously,” she says. “Cooking together can build connection and help you both to become aware of ingredients and portion sizes.” Small, shared rituals can reinforce connection as much as indulgence does. “If one of you wants to focus more on health, align on simple actions like going for a walk after dinner or cook something new at home,” says Joel.

Sturmer adds that it’s also important to keep hold of individual space. “Allow yourself to enjoy the intoxication of a new relationship, but don’t forget to come up for air. And coming up for air can mean all sorts of different things – staying connected with friends and family, continuing with hobbies and plans, and also considering about what you need in your life in order to stay feeling healthy and well.” Dar puts it simply: “Love and health don’t need to compete. Both can sit side by side when the focus is care, not pressure.”

In the end, sharing food is one of the oldest forms of intimacy we have, an everyday ritual that builds trust, laughter and comfort. Whether it’s a midweek takeaway, a Sunday roast for two or, in my case, a streak of brownie sundaes, these moments are rarely about appetite alone. They’re about belonging. And if that means a few extra spoonfuls along the way? Most experts would agree that’s just love doing its job.