There's no Christmas like home

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Posted at 10:30AM, 06 December 2010 by Claire Webb - Writer

On Christmas Day, the men in my household eat pork pie for breakfast. The pie always comes from the same butcher's - as tenderly swaddled as a newborn - and has pride of place in the fridge until it's unwrapped to "ooos" and "ahhhhhs". Last year's was the biggest yet, as big as a kettledrum: crisp crust, glistening jelly and pinkest, peppery pork.

I wrinkle my nose in distaste and reach for the muesli, but there are other delicacies that I wouldn't be without: my mum's cranberry sauce, infinitely superior to saccharine shop-bought; better still is her velvety bread sauce; a dollop of mushy peas. The peas must be neon-green and from a tin or it wouldn't taste like Christmas.

Except that there won't be mushy peas on my plate this year. For the first time, I'm to spend Christmas Day at my other half's and, frankly, I'm apprehensive. Would it be a breach of etiquette to arrive at the in-laws with a jar of mum's tangy cranberry? Is it okay to request bread sauce (must be homemade)? And don't forget the mushy peas, pretty please.

What I'm really worried about are the afters. Perhaps it's because women are outnumbered three to one, but my family prefer savoury to sweet. The Webbs don't do dessert, even at Christmas. Instead we assemble a cheeseboard that would give France a run for its money. All December I dream about it and wake up dribbling: mounds of Stilton, Shropshire Blue, fiery Black Bomber cheddar, Cornish brie, gooey goat's, crumbly goat's, cheese so pungent it makes your eyes water...

The in-laws adore their sugary treats. For them, the turkey is a warm-up act, a necessary but tedious adjunct to the main event: "Would you like cream with that Christmas pud, Yule log, rhubarb crumble, lemon roulade, caramel brownie, brandy butter and ice cream, dear?" But their first love and my nemesis is fruitcake. How I hate those hard little lumps of orange peel, that greasy layer of marzipan lying in wait beneath the icing, sure to stick in your throat.

What to do? Perhaps I should smuggle in supplies and join Santa in a midnight binge. Or else arrive armed with cheesy gifts. I wonder if it's possible to be allergic to fruitcake...

Suggestions would be much appreciated, fellow foodies. Have you ever been a homesick guest, hungry for mum's cooking? What will your Christmas taste like?

Comments

Agne

6 December 2010, 4:30PM
Agne

I stopped celebrating Christmas with my family four years ago. Whereas I miss herring and porcini broth and all the other staples of Eastern European Christmas, the change has not been entirely unwelcome. I embraced the bread sauce, stuffing, the Christmas pudding, last year we cooked pretty much every known traditional meal. It made me realize that the menu can be altered, as long as it is substantial enough and there is a feel of tradition.

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Cassandra Amy Rose

7 December 2010, 9:16AM
Cassandra Amy Rose

O dear, difficult situation! Maybe ask the in-laws to read the food blog?? Though I'm sure nobody could take offense if you brought a few jars of condiments.

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Nicola

7 December 2010, 2:30PM
Nicola

You should be thankful that they are happy to have you for Christmas dinner and at all the effort that went into preparing it. Eat as much as you can and don't complain no matter what. Our tradition is to be untraditional I think and it is different every year...I'm all for giving up Christmas all together as it seems hypocritical for an athiest to celebrate the birth of Jesus, but my husband is not too keen on that idea!

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Mr Ben

7 December 2010, 2:41PM
Mr Ben

oh my wordy wordy!!! nice to hear such a detailed description about your pork pie!!!! the pinkest pepperey pork sounds good, not sure about the crusty bits and the glistening jelly though!!!!!!!!!!!

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TerryBlack

7 December 2010, 5:26PM
TerryBlack

As the other half in question I have been banned from sending the blog to my mother. However, numerous hints have been dropped, and there will be cheese - Stilton will be making a rare appearance in my parents' home. And of course they'll be Wensleydale with the Christmas cake. No pork pies though. Sorry Claire!

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ZeTallGerman

7 December 2010, 5:30PM
ZeTallGerman

In our family we have 2 Christmas celebrations: my German tradition of where Christmas Eve is the most important event with a big dinner and exchange of presents, and then my husband's Scottish tradition of lunch (and the other half of the presents!) on Christmas Day. As my mother-in-law does the standard turkey and all the trimmings, I try to do something different every year. Last year we had a rich beef goulash and homemade dumplings. This year I'm doing a Bavarian beer-marinated pork roast and Spaetzle (German egg noodles). For dessert, in German we tend to either have Christstollen (but none of us like it) or homemade cookies, which I'm starting to bake next week! At my husband's parents' house it's traditional Xmas pud. So, we get the best of both worlds and double the fun each year :-)

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Fiona

7 December 2010, 7:14PM
Fiona

I think if I were to spend Christmas away from home I'd miss having lots of pork with the turkey: we usually have a turkey crown, gammon, and little sausages wrapped in bacon too - yum! And we always have smoked salmon for our starter, although we usually start the day with a light breakfast of a Terry's Chocolate Orange from our stockings :)

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Martin Crozier

7 December 2010, 8:24PM
Martin Crozier

We too indulge in a monster cheese board for dessert however hard my mother tries to push the Christmas Cake I am not budging! In fact the cheese often lasts until the new year. However, if I was to spend Christmas with the in laws it would be sunshine, BBQ and cold beer......hmmm remind me why I am staying in cold dark England, it must be the cheese.......

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BobbyG

7 December 2010, 8:41PM
BobbyG

Homemade bread sauce and a huge and varied cheese board are two of the things I couldn't do without either. Christmas pudding though...euughh!

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Lushious

8 December 2010, 7:52AM
Lushious

My mum's wonderful sausagement and chestnut stuffing, celeriac and garlic mash (only have it at christmas), braised red cabbage. The things that make christmas dinner special to me, but without a doubt, the meal that we all look forward to is what we term 'Boxing day breakfast' which is actually lunch or supper when we feast on the leftovers (nothing like cold stuffing sliced out of the dish) with pickles galore: walnuts, onions, gherkins, vinegar mix etc and then to round it all off, the cheeseboard along with a lovely selection of dates, celery, figs, apples and nuts and a bottle of port mmmmmmmmmm

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Sarah

8 December 2010, 12:15PM
Sarah

I feel your pain! i got married this year, so this is the first time we will have to do Christmas together. It was only until there was a chance 'my' Christmas could be taken away from me that i realised how much i loved it. Nobody does it quite the same, and i think i might have a mini tantrum (just in my head as i would be super polite to in-laws) if there was no bread sauce, or the potatoes weren't roasted or there were not 2 choices for dessert! We have come to the compromise of having two Christmases. Christmas day with my husbands family and boxing day with my family (but boxing day will be 'Christmas day' all over again!)

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janey

8 December 2010, 2:31PM
janey

Don't despair just yet. You may find yourself delighted by treats you have never tasted before. Every family has their favourites. If not , next year invite your hosts to to share the peppery pork pie and the rest of the day with your clan.

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Lingdada

9 December 2010, 7:49AM
Lingdada

At this time of year I always tell friends to eat whatever they fancy for a Christmas dinner! By cooking something different it can be a refreshing change and really does become a talking point when you return to work!

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John

10 December 2010, 9:43AM
John

Sounds delightful. I can see why you are so against the idea of spending Christmas away from home. I have to agree with you on the cheeses - I couldn't be without at least 5 different cheeses with my crackers post-Christmas meal. (I'm not sure my doctor would agree!) Although surely you can't miss out on a bit of Christmas pud, no?

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SandieB

10 December 2010, 11:09AM
SandieB

I'm sure no one could object to a jar of homemade Cranberry Sauce as a gift, tied up nicely with ribbon and cellophane. I presume you in-laws know your parents...in which case it's a nice little gift from your mum! Sounds like your're gonna get some cheese anyway...you've probably got to go with the flow for the rest of it!

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Stick Rein

10 December 2010, 11:16AM
Stick Rein

We spent a few Christmases away from home and family when we lived in the United States. We shared Christmas with new friends and were able to enjoy turkey and cranberry sauce(not homemadethough). We also found we loved pumpkin pie instead of xmas pud. Sadly there was not a pork pie in sight...

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rachlocker

10 December 2010, 3:53PM
rachlocker

I agree with SandieB - maybe bring some cranberry sauce or bread sauce round as a gift then suggest at the table, that maybe people may like to try it with their dinner?! u may miss out on your cheeseboard but just get yourself your own one for boxing day and you can enjoy it all to yourself!

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Granny Jen

10 December 2010, 4:44PM
Granny Jen

Not being an original Webb I share your bewilderment at the pork pie 'event' early on Christmas morning. As G & G will be here, it will be happening in our house too this year. Most families have strange traditions so I'm sure it will be an interesting experience in a different house, accept and enjoy. Please update us after Christmas and we promise not to tell the other half's family if we ever meet them. My father always took everyone older than about 10 a cup of tea with whisky in it first thing on Christmas morning, not sure which spoilt which as I don't like whisky or tea.

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Katelizzie

14 December 2010, 9:15PM
Katelizzie

A mince pie is the ideal Christmas breakfast for me, served with a cafetiere of coffee at about 10 am. Perfect. However, I do like the pork pie idea, as I was brought up on Swarbrick's of Ormskirk pork pies. Does anyone remember them?

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