Smelly lunch? You're fired

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Posted at 12:30PM, 18 May 2010 by Claire Webb - Writer

We all know that a proper lunch results in a healthier, happier worker. We're aware that our colleagues on the continent would strike at anything less than three courses and a glass of vino. And yet dining "al desko" is more common than a Ploughman's. When deadlines approach, and the alternative is an overpriced cafe, a windowless staff kitchen or shivering under slate-grey summer skies, a desktop picnic is often the most attractive option.

It may not appear quite as attractive to your neighbour, however. Ever been distracted from that all-important Excel spreadsheet by the heady fumes of a co-worker's curry? Or had to avert your eyes from her mouldering apple cores and orange peel? More disturbingly, have you ever sat down at a new desk to discover that it's sticky? On my first day, I tipped the keyboard upside down to dislodge my predecessor's crumbs and a milky liquid drip, drip, dripped out - a long ago spilled cup of tea, or so I hoped.

Once a week, the cleaner must brave that festering no man's land: the office fridge

If you've occasionally reason to wrinkle your nose, spare a thought for the cleaner. Once a week, after we've waltzed home for dinner, the cleaner must brave that festering no man's land: the office fridge. Gingerly, he picks his way among sell-by-dates, wrestling sour yoghurt, crusty houmous and that pungent gunge on the top shelf, which might have been salad in another lifetime.

Even worse than the fridge offenders are the food bores. The fellow who, between slobbering mouthfuls, boasts about his holier-than-thou sarnie: lettuce from his allotment, organic tomato, hand-reared ham from the farmer's market... You've disliked him ever since he declined a slice of your Victoria sponge because the jam wasn't homemade.

Just as irritating is the chronic dieter. When she's not wittering on about how bread makes her dreadfully bloated, darling, she's repenting the all-butter croissant that she ate for breakfast. Mind you, at least she's so far steered clear of the cabbage soup diet. My mother - who works in a hospital - recalls with a wince the time when an entire ward of nurses tried it. One patient feigned a stroke in a desperate bid to escape his malodorous carers.

This daily onslaught of icky smells and unappetising chitchat cannot continue. I hereby propose a luncheon code of conduct to which every office worker must adhere. It should include a blanket ban on peanut butter, egg sandwiches, whiffy cheese, smoked fish, curry and pickled onion crisps. Fruit is only to be eaten with rubber gloves. Dieters must suffer in silence. Sound severe? Open the fridge door and take a deep sniff... You'll soon sign up.

Comments

Nicola

20 May 2010, 8:06AM
Nicola

Wow - you are lucky that have a cleaner who ventures into the fridge! Our cleaners are not meant to do any dishes or clean the fridge or microwave - only the worktops and sink get a clean. Working with many other adults (as opposed to children) you'd think it could work...but most seem to think there is a magical dish fairy who cleans up after them. Unfortunately, no, its the PhD students who always end up keeping the place clean while the staff leave dishes lying around, spilt sugar, and god only know what in the fridge!! I mean...what do their houses look like?!

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drusilla

20 May 2010, 12:18PM
drusilla

I dread to think, Nicola - the microwave in our works canteen had to be skipped (as in thrown in the...) No one would touch it, never mind trying to clean it! Compare that with the office micro, which is always spotlessly clean. Which is because we clean it ourselves. If we left it to our cleaners.... that would be skipped as well. Rant over. ;-)

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janey

22 May 2010, 5:09PM
janey

yes the office is a dodgy area between 12 and 2pm.l made a pledge long ago to confine my lunchtime munching to pleasant smelling or at least odour free foods.Alas my colleagues do not and many an afternoon is spent with lingering aromas from pungent lunches,and as for the office fridge...not for the faint hearted .

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miniminx

23 May 2010, 3:47PM
miniminx

my single worst moment of working in my office was when, at 11 weeks pregnant, my colleague's smoked fish pie caused me to throw up all afternoon.....! i mean, why??? it's just not necessary - have a sandwich like everyone else!

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angelicasfoodcorner

25 May 2010, 11:25AM
angelicasfoodcorner

i live in norway, which is the land of sarnies for lunch, but come from sweden, which is the land of leftovers from last night's dinner for lunch. Hence, i bring great smelling, good looking and tasty lunches to work every day and my colleagues end up hassling me to bring them lunch as well. I have even heard it's dangerous to sit next to me at lunch because you end up hating yourself for not having something more inventive than a cheese and ham sarnie for lunch.

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shez

29 May 2010, 6:10PM
shez

I am a last nights left overs sort of a girl and the heady aroma gets my colleagues going on a regula basis! I do avoid anything fishy though as it does linger in the microwave and kitchen all afternoon.

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