Good Food Blog
Mulled wine madness
Posted at 10:25AM, 14 December 2009 by Stuart Walton - Food and wine writer
One of the lingering mysteries of Christmas to me is mulled wine. It crops up in festive cookery features as reliably as tips on how to avoid dry turkey, or what to do to sprouts to get them down everybody. But just as one occasionally comes across people who shyly, shamefacedly, admit that they don't really like mince pies, I suspect there is an even larger community of nay-sayers who don't want their wine stewed up with cinnamon and cloves.
There is something profoundly unnatural about hot alcohol. Apart from Japanese sake (hardly a notable Western taste, even now), and the odd mug of Glühwein drunk after a morning's skiing in Zermatt, nobody really likes it. They just like the idea of it. If it has survived at all over the past century, it was in the form of hot toddy, a measure of whisky drowned in hot water, honey and lemon juice, taken (tellingly enough) in the depths of illness. 'I don't know whether it cures you,' people would say when recommending it, 'but it certainly makes you feel better.' It only ever made me feel even sicker.
Mulled wine may hark back to medieval times, but it persists into our own day as part of the Charles Dickens Christmas theme package. Merry wassailers at the door would be plied with it to send them on their way (whereas now you can just put a notice on the door - NO WASSAILERS), while indoors, revellers would eagerly gather around the steaming punchbowl, awaiting a ladleful of ruined wine. In Mrs Beeton's day, a version called negus was made by stewing up port with sugar, lemon, nutmeg and boiled water, for serving (I kid you not) at children's parties.
The taste of warm alcohol is disturbing, as though you're drinking it while it's still in a state of fermentation
The inescapable fact about mulled wine is that it just smells and tastes cheap. Which is why it seems unfathomable that it has become so inextricably linked to Christmas. It isn't that there's anything in it that isn't perfectly nice, although you can go off cinnamon. It's just that the taste of warm alcohol is disturbing, as though you're drinking it while it's still in a state of fermentation.
The bits and bobs of fruit knocking about in it always look a bit sad, and then there's the glutinous sweetness of it (usually from half-dissolved demerara sugar) to contend with. In eastern Europe, they shower it with black pepper or infuse it with wormwood. It just gets even more delicious!
Like adding orange juice to champagne, it's one of those things you wouldn't sensibly do if the drink itself was any good. So the implication is that mulling - it comes from an old dialect word that refers to getting things into a muddle (exactly) - is really just a brutally efficient way of disguising naff wine. Er, newsflash! It's meant to be Christmas.
If you can't quite be bothered to start simmering with cinnamon, you could buy a mulled wine pre-mix. These still need warming up, but at least won't have you rifling through the spice cupboard and the fruit bowl. Indeed, you can microwave it on HIGH by the mugful, which I'm sure is what the Cratchit family in A Christmas Carol would have done, had the technology been available.


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